The eyes Chico, they never lie.

 

 

They say one must pick out a title for their article once they’ve summed up their thoughts crisply and comprehensively. Somehow, I find myself incapacitated to do that, the title strikes me first and the rest just follows. But, then, this one is close to my heart. Most of the titles that have hit me have been moons ago, yet, this one takes precedence in my heart consistently. The reason primarily is that constant reminders and situations take place for me to feel it in its true essence. 

There’s a thing my mother says when she’s feeling intensely and showering love and attention onto our 2-year-old Hazel-eyed Labrador, Khal. She cups his face and looks him in the eye and says “You’re my God,kandha”. It always strikes a chord in me so profoundly, because of the bountiful love I feel for my dogs, Yama (our 7-month-old Indie rescue boi) and Khal (our 2-year-old Labrador). There’s no way else to call this intensity of divine affection we feel for our loves. I remember watching the Kannada movie, Gaalipata (2008) as a tween and having etched the memory of Meshtru (Anant Nag) regaining strength and movement in his legs as he looks into the wild Boars’ eyes while trying to hunt the very being down. He seems to state further in the movie that he saw the incarnation of Lord Vishnu himself in the eyes of the wild being and it was as though he bestowed the boon of movement upon him. Once paralyzed from the waist-down Meshtru could walk. At that moment divinity was born out of thematics no one would be “blessed” for. You see, we bow to receive an offering and he walked even though he approached in hunting menace. Deity and Religion become so dimensional, such as belief. 

As humans, with mundane capacities and limitations, we instill meanings into everything we find vital to our existence. Nature unto nurture and the same unto a religion is blended. I don’t know about following a faith, but Mythology has me and my entity in ways incomprehensible, for various dynamics and thematics. Love, warfare, loyalty, friendship, valid rage, death, mourning, the bond between the animal and the human and so much more. It has festered and shaped my way of life much differently than I had thought for myself. Especially with the way our family and I, solely, interact with animals has been something I watch and act soundly upon. The reason for this is probably because as a child I spent a lot of time interacting with animals, be it on my Dad’s farmland or because of my Uncle’s interest to have anything and everything as a pet which brought interesting animals home, from Dogs to Owls. Forming a bond intricate enough for me to sit down and decipher it this way. 

I’ve tried finding meanings in random things in moments of intense sadness, grief, or what we stereotypically call negative emotions. I feel like quoting a specific instance that occurred between my previous Psychiatrist and me. It was my first time going to the Psychiatrist and I didn’t want to be deciphered. The one thing I do most wasn’t something I wished for myself. Cue to the meet, she begins to ask me why I was there to meet her. I didn’t know, I remember choking up an “ I want to feel better or not feeling anything at all ”. Over the course of an hour, we sat down to dissect major life-altering incidents that had occurred in my life. For over an hour, she kept asking me why I didn’t consider taking up the initiative to feel better much earlier. I don’t remember having an answer then nor do I know for certain today, “circumstances” was the only word running through my head. She further helped me understand something about myself that stays so vividly within me. “ You’ve been a creative child. Creativity bleeds comfort and makes one feel happy. Don’t you see all your life you’ve kept yourself busy and indulgent in things that pass off as comfort-inducing activities? You’ve constantly regulated yourself with these, unknowingly. And, now the balance is off, it’s too much for you to regulate with just these activities. And, not to mention, you’re attached to your dog(s) and that bond and emotion have grown stronger because they calm you down. ” I sat with that piece of information with my mind raging as to if I ever let myself be in that sadness or constantly avoided it. A piece that I am yet to understand.

That night, our Khal who only likes to sleep next to my mom crept his way into my room to comfort me as I struggled to sleep with the anxiety-induced sleep deprivation, specifically making sure that I could feel him beside me with my hand over his back, his breathing calming me. That cycle repeated until he felt certain enough to let me be on my own, knowing I’d sleep. Ever since then, any day I look unsettled or Khal feels something is going on, he will make it his mortal duty to not leave my side. As much as this naughty bundle of joy likes to be a menace around the house, he and Yama have captured my soul in their eyes. Khal made-makes me walk in a way I have never before, and Yama makes sure I am steady and ready to spring at first sight of holistic fun or goofball-ness.

Every morning, the house echoes the usual “Yama-Khal, down, now” by my Amma which is followed by 4-4 tippy taps against the floor gushing towards my mother fighting for her attention like siblings. It’s an ever-going rollercoaster with these puppers. But, I know comfort, company, security, calmness, and warmth because of them. Those eyes hold lifetimes' worth of potion to a blissful life, regardless of circumstance. The kind of love we wish we were capable of. It’s almost unhinged yet pure. Their Hazel eyes have us and they have our heightened mundaneness to pamper them. To love is a kind of worship in itself and I hold nothing but love for my bois. If there is one thing I wish to carry on, it’s to cup their faces and tell them the same thing my Amma does, “You’re my God’s, muddus” 

What-Who have been your pair of Hazel eyes?